Question Of The Day
by Roxius
Summary: Rated due to the context of the conversation. A rather perverse cameraman goes around taping the responses of the P4 male leads when asked a certain question of the day. Contains all het pairings. Crack. Please R & R!


Disclaimer: I do not own Shin Megami Tensei.

* * *

_TODAY'S QUESTION FOR THE MALE LEADS OF P4: HAS ANYTHING AWKWARD EVER HAPPENED TO YOU OR YOUR LOVER DURING SEX?_

"Y...You're asking me?" Yosuke asked, pointing at himself.

"Yes!" replied the cameraman.

"Is this...is this legal to be asking in public?" Yosuke asked.

The cameraman shrugged.

"Well," Yosuke began, "Uh...let's see...sex, sex, sex...oh! There was this one time, when I was doing it with Chie, she started freaking out, and she punched me in the face, and was crying and everything, and then she smashed my balls with her knee, and finally she ran off without even an explanation. The next day, we saw each other, and she seemed perfectly fine...she didn't even remember going all psycho on me..."

The cameraman couldn't really think of how to respond to that.

* * *

"...Why the hell should I even tell you?!" Kanji snapped, about ready to punch the cameraman.

"Uh...it's...it's for science!!!"

"No, it's not..."

"...Yeah, so what if it's not? Just tell me!! I'm trying to keep myself busy here!!"

Kanji sighed. "Fine...listen, Naoto Shirogane is a sweet girl and all, a bit naive even sometimes..."

"Uh-huh..."

"...Yet did you know she's a freakin' psychopath when it comes to sex? She loves using her gun (as a plaything; she removes the bullets beforehand) and a bunch of spiked chains and whips she keeps under her bed when we're fucking! I mean, you see this scar over my left eye?"

"...Yeah?"

"Well, it's been there for a while, but you see...IT'S NOW AN INCH LONGER THAN IT USED TO BE!!! AND THAT'S ALL BECAUSE OF HER!!!!"

"Oh dear..."

"Yeah, she's crazy...although I actually kinda like it," Kanji admitted, blushing.

The cameraman slowly began to back away, until he finally burst out into a full run...

* * *

"Huh? Has anything awkward ever happened during sex between me and Yukiko, you ask?" replied Souji, "That's pretty tough...it's mainly the same for us as for, well, everyone else in the world..."

"I see," the cameraman let out a sigh, "Well, sorry to bother you, then..."

"Oh, wait! I remember now!!" Souji exclaimed, "She once cried out Taro Namatame's name several times in a really seductive tone when she was on the verge of reaching climax!!!!"

The cameraman raised an eyebrow. "Really now?"

"Yup, she was panting and screaming and crying and foam was pouring out of her mouth and-"

"...I think she has rabies...or maybe that's only dogs would do that..."

Souji's face fell. "Ooh...so THAT'S why she gave me this really nasty lovebite?" Pulling down his collar, he revealed teeth-marks on his neck that had actually dug into the skin.

"You should go to a hospital or something for that," the cameraman suggested.

Souji shook his head. "Nah, I'm a tough bowl-cut-haired mofo. I don't need that-" Then, he lost consciousness and collapsed onto the ground.

* * *

With his girlfriend Rise by his side, Teddie blinked a few times in confusion, and then asked the cameraman, "...What's sex?"

"...You don't know what 'sex' is?" the cameraman asked in disbelief.

Teddie shook his head.

"What about 'fucking', 'doing it', 'making love', and all those silly little word-plays that imply sexual intercourse?"

Teddie shook his head again.

The cameraman turned to Rise. "Is he actually a human being?"

Rise nodded. "You don't need sex just to make a relationship a, well, a relationship. There's alot of NON-SEXUAL things two people can do together, and that still proves they deeply love one another..."

The cameraman scowled, and began to walk away. "Boring losers...should be castrated..." he muttered under his breath.

Suddenly, Teddie gasped. "Wait...isn't 'sex' that game we always play in your bed?"

"Yes, but please don't ever say that out loud again, okay?" Rise whispered before kissing the blond-haired man on the lips.


End file.
